Witness to the Persecution

I've been forwarded these in an email. They are so darn funny every time I get them. I decided to share them.

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said , 'Where am I, Cathy?'
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?

WITNESS: My name is Susan!
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?

WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?

WITNESS: No , I just lie there.
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.

ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
  ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
  ATTORNEY: Voodoo?

  WITNESS: Yes , voodoo.
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his
sleep , he doesn't know about it until the next morning?

WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old , how old is he?

WITNESS:  He's 20 , much like your IQ.
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?

WITNESS: Are you sh*tting me?
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?

WITNESS: Getting laid
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?

WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I
get a new attorney?

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?

WITNESS: Take a guess.
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?

WITNESS: Unless the circus was in town I'm going with male.
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a
deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?

WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on
dead people?

WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?

WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?
And last:

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
ATTORNEY: So then it is possible that the patient was alive when you
began the autopsy?
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?

WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.


Spring Bunnies

Welcome Spring and with it comes the Old Farmhouse Gathering on Etsy's celebration. I made these bunnies for it. At the end of this post will be a special I am having for Spring.

click here to purchase


Raggedy Construction Zone

Over the weekend I made this great Annie Doll. She's a wonderful doll for beginners. You can click on any of the pictures to make them larger.

Click here to purchase one.  You'll have to scroll down 3/4 of the page.

I don't want to get into any debate here. But if you use someone's design, even if you change the face, clothing or anything, it is common courtesy to credit the designer.

That said, I hope you will enjoy how this doll went together.


Monday Marketplace OFG

Welcome Joanne to my blog for Monday Marketplace. I can't paint beautiful things so I am featuring someone who can:
Porcelain Flower Quencher


I got a nook!

I mentioned to my daughter that I thought I'd like an e-reader, but wasn't sure which one I wanted. And then this Nook arrived in my mail. THANK YOU, WINTER (and Palmer and Phil)

After registering, downloading a couple of books, transferring some of my stuff on to the Nook, and playing with it. Oh Yeah. I decided I wanted a cover. I looked at covers. Dang they are ex-pen-sive! I decided to make one of my own. I didn't want a pouch, I wanted it to open like a book. I also wanted a pocket in it to hold the cord. I also felt it would need something to give it some solidness and I didn't want to use cardboard. I decided the plastic sheet cutting board would work well.  Now it took me about 7 hours to finish. But I had to design and measure and I fixed and ate a roast beef dinner in the middle of it. So I'm guessing it really shouldn't take more than 3 hours to make one of these for your nook.

First, I started with 11 X 13 pieces of fabric and realized they were too long and cut them shorter the following is what you'll need and it should fit. My nook measures 5 X 8 inches on the outside, if you do this for another e-reader adjust your measurements to it. About 2 inches bigger than the actual reader.

Supply List:
2-9 1/2 X 13 inch fabric                                      
For pocket: 2-13 X 6 inch
Strip of fabric 9 X 2 inches for button
2-8 1/4 X 5 3/4 inch pieces of plastic
(I used the plastic from a cutting board,
available at flea markets and dollar stores)
2 squares of batting (I used 1 batting and
1 felt, cause I didn't have enough)
1/4 inch elastic
a large shank button
2 1/2 inch wide 63 inch long strip, coordinating, or matching.


Old Farmhouse Gathering Team

Old Farmhouse Gathering Team
Looking for something special?? Click here and search the old farmhouse!